Changes

My quiet morning time is beginning to be a requirement.  Early morning time is different from late night time.  The former is better for my current lifestyle, which is so novel.

Going to bed early on a Saturday night was just fine, particularly given my reading companions.  

Time passes ....

Six months ago this morning, my Mom left her senior living community to transition to long-term care.  The events leading up to that day were some of the most difficult ones with which I have had to deal.

That day was very surreal.  We didn't actually tell my Mom she was moving because it was easier to leave the details vague.  My mom has a dementia diagnosis, though she is rather cognizant.  We entered this phase not knowing if it in fact would be permanent.  We told my Mom that this was something else that we were going to try to see if she could get stronger after a recent fall left her needing 24-hour care.

My Mom's transition to log-term care, okay, to a nursing home (yes, I said it), has been remarkably smooth, and for that I am grateful.  She has settled in quite nicely.  She is well cared for and safe.  I am able to visit, end enjoy quality time, with her, which were increasingly less frequent when she was living independently.

More often than not, I indicate generally that my Mom has transitioned to long-term care.  This approach results in less comments and criticism than when I say that my Mom is in a nursing home.

Caring for my 94 year-old Mom has been a challenge, particularly while:  maintaining full-time professional employment; raising a gregarious 10 year-old; nurturing my marriage; and trying to stay healthy and fit while my 50 year-old body wants only to expand.

We often hear about eldercare issues, but not always in a positive way.  I think that should change.  Everyone's situation is different.  Individuals' situations change over time.  We need to be open to possibilities.  There should be more supporting, and less judging.

I never thought my Mom would live in a nursing home.  Quite frankly, I also never thought she would be alive at 94 years old, though I also never envisioned her death.  Did I think she was going to live forever and never age?  No.  I guess I simply never thought too much about my Mom's mortality.  But, like with so many other things I have been forced to think about, I am managing.

The power of memories

Twenty-four years ago today I married what I thought was my life-long partner.  About eighteen years ago today, my divorce from that pattern was final.  My feelings about those milestones change but always are strong, for better or worse.

Today, I sit contently working.  My contentment exists in part because of what I have experienced throughout my 50 years.  I need to remember those experiences, many of which were ordeals.  They contributed to who I am today, a strong and resilient woman who succeeds every day.

I began today with a walk outside, and only time will tell how this day ends.  Though it will not end as it did 24 years ago, this day will be just as important for very different but equally significant reasons.  I will complete my work day, enjoy a meal with my family, and nurture my Son before his bedtime.

Tonight will be full of love, as was this night so many years ago.  It's a different kind of love, but it's love and, after all, love is what matters.

Day 6 - a bunch of successful days

will produce overall success.  I know what I want overall, and I will get there one day at a time.  If each day is successful, then how can I not get there?  Today, I didn't run but I did a bit of yoga and P90X, which were fun.  I am feeling good, and that matters.

Day 2 - better when I nurture

9/21 - day 2:   I am better when I nurture myself and others.  I nurtured myself with a few minutes of alone time, a run, and some healthy eating.  I nurtured others by enjoying a walk with a friend, preparing a family dinner, and setting aside time to play cards with my Son.

I missed my Sunday visit with my Mom, but it's okay.  I changed my schedule to be able to see my Sister, knowing that flexibility is necessary.

Day 1 lessons

We each can do what we want separately and together.  I can rely on my instincts and my support system.  Take a breath and a moment to appreciate....

40 day remaking

starts today.  I have been doing bits and pieces of different things that have brought me to this day.  I am feeling good and ready for what is next.  This is a perfect time for the next formal remaking.  My remakings often end with a race.  This one won't, but that's okay.  It will end on October 29th - why not?

Welcoming a new day

I am starting some days with even the shortest of walks and I am so much better for it.  I listen to a podcast and I look around me.  The fresh air and natural setting somehow ground me and better prepare me for what have been hectic and diverse days.  

After a long day ...

It's nice to sit for a few minutes with some tea, a catalogue, and a few library books.  I'm waiting for the bread I baked to cool so I can add it to my Son's lunch.

Having the windows open for some fresh air and sounds of nature is a welcoming reminder that my favorite time of year is beginning.

I didn't get so much done, but I will focus on the things I did get done, including a bit of yoga and a bike ride.  Fitting in activities is as important as anything else at this time.  My recent remakings have  been incomplete.  Not this time....

Miscellaneous thought

I wonder if I ever won't ache in parts of my body I didn't know existed....  I love being active, which I was today, but I don't like having difficulty getting up from a seated position.  I will comfort myself by thinking that I am just a bit more fit today than yesterday.  Now I will exercise my brain with some reading....

Monday - attitude matters

Today will be a great day.  A morning walk after my 5th grader gets on the school bus is a start.  A positive attitude will make a great day more possible.

Ready for more

August will be a month of summer adventures.  Recently, I have been trying different apps and approaches to getting and staying on track.  I am feeling good.  I am reading, writing, and doing.

I am accepting the fact that life will bring change.  Just when I think I am settling in, something happens.  My ability to deal with the somethings is making me stronger and more certain of me.

Change has been a constant - my dog died in November; my stepson died in April; and my Mom transitioned to long term care during the first half of this year.  Challenges have accompanied each of these events.  My ability to deal with those challenges is telling.

In August, I will take and make time for me. I am a better person when I do that. 

Today is another day of greatness.

It's time....

Time for something, though I am not sure what.  I have been busy.  I am living the expression, life is what happens when you're making other plans.  I intended for my 50th year to be for me, which was a great intention that lasted for less than a month.

Presently, I am settling into a new focus - remaking myself, yet again.  One of my stepsons died suddenly, and we placed my Mom in a long term care facility.  As part of that, I broke down her condominium.  The emotions associated with those events have been overwhelming.

I will spend this month trying to sort everything out.

Mind murmur

It's easier to keep track of spending when I don't do any.  

My birthday week has begun....

Work was busy today, but I gave myself a gift; I had to.  I ran outside.  It was tough, but it felt good.  The fresh air nurtured me.  Even now my body knows that it was used lovingly today. 

During my cool down, I walked by the reservoir where my puppy and I regularly traversed.  I sadly recalled that it was 2 months ago today that we had to put Hunter down.  I miss him terribly.

 

Looking forward to fifty....

This month is spent setting myself up for fabulouse fifty, as I turn 50 at the end of the month.  I am looking forward to being fifty and to my 50s in general.  It will be a decade of delight.

I think extensivly about past decades.

My 20s were spent developing -- college, law school, career, weddding, house, and entertaining.  What I developed did not bloom, but busted.

During my 30s, things fell apart, and I rebuilt.  I sold a house, and bought a house.  I sold that house, and bought another.  My career was altered, as was everything else.  I got divorced, and got married again.  I got a dog.  My 30s ended with a dream come true -- I gave birth to my Son just over 1 month before my 40th birthday.

My life settled down some during my 40s.  I kept the same house, the same husband, and the same job.  I was busy growing my Son, and managing life as much as possible.  Quite often, my life happened when I was making oher plans.  Most significantly, my 40s ended with the death of my dog at the end of November; it happened when I was totally planning and doing so much else.

I am not sure how to sum up money and exercise during each decade.  For now, I will not try.  For each, I am not totally where I would like to be, but I try to focus on the positive aspects of both.  Each could be in worse shape.  Overall, I am healthy, both objectively and subjectively.  On that I will focus and rejoice.  I'm probably worse in some ways, but I choose to think that I am better in more ways....  

For sure, things will happend and change during my 50s, but I will be as prepared as possible.  I am strong.  I am determined.  I am just about ready....

Sandwich Sunday Super Start

I am determined....  This first Sandwich Sunday of the year will be better because I am at the gym to begin.  With some activity completed, I will be more confident and competent for what promises to be a busy day.

devoted to the day

Today, I focused on today and what needed to get done today.  I did not look back or forward.  I did not think of what didn't get done, and what's left to do.  Rather, I simply acted.

Today was a success.  In furtherance of my #birthdayMonth, today's gift to myself was 1 hour at the gym -- what a wonderful hour it was....  

The M.I.N.E. pursuit was successful.  I Nurtured my home and me.  I Exercised, and was active -- I got my 10,000 STEPS.  On the Money front, I was smart about my grocery shopping.  Finally, the Ideas were flowing fervently.  I enjoy having ideas,  It's great to have them, but I need them to lead somewhere.  They will because I am determined.  

New year / new approach - bringing balance

A new year begins today.  It's a big year; I turn 50 at the end of this month.  Though my birthday is one day, I will extend the celebration throughout the month, and beyond....

Overall, I strive to bring balance.  Rather than getting overwhelmed, however, I will focus on each day.  Successful days will produce.  

For now, I am excited to focus on M - I - N - E , or:

Money

Ideas

Nurturing

Exercise

If each day includes each of these, then the day will be a success.  I can and will do this!

Day 1 of M.I.N.E. was a huge success; I'll take it!