Unexpected Benefits of Nursing Home Care

I didn't talk much about my Mom's living situation when she relocated to a nursing home.  Everyone has an opinion, and I wanted to focus on my Mom and not those opinions.  My Mom lived for over 2 years in a nursing home, and I mean lived.  In fact, I am convinced that when her body began to limit her living she and God decided it was time to leave.

Since my Mom's death,  I certainly have been sad -- I lost the only constant of my 52 years.  However, rather than focusing on what I lost, I am focusing on how lucky I have been.

My Mom's living situation provided many unexpected benefits.  One of them is that we were able to focus on grieving when she died, rather than dealing with stuff.  She owned so little at the end -- about 3 1/2 hours after her death, her stuff was packed up and we didn't have to return to the nursing home.  That was the easiest and quickest move....

Not having to take time to deal with my Mom's stuff left time to focus on her funeral arrangements, and then to heal and figure out how to live without her.  For a number of days following my Mom's burial, we contemplated the words to be added to the cemetery marker.  Focusing on that was better than focusing on a bunch of stuff.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that my Mom didn't have tons of stuff.  It's just that she had downsized twice already.   More than 10 years ago, I helped her move from the 3 story house in which she had lived for about 80 years to a 4 room condominium.  That process was quite a challenge, but we were prepared.  The second downsizing came with the nursing home.  There, she had a comfortable space with just a few select treasures.

A significant takeaway from my Mom's death is:

for your sake and the sake of the ones you will leave behind, everyone should consider living with less stuff.   Doing so will produce benefits now and later.

Adjusting to my new life

This is yet another time of adjustment, this one to my new life after the death of my Mom.  I am trying to figure out how most effectively to fill the hole that has been left.  Life's demands easily could consume the time that I had spent with my Mom.  However, I want to make that time matter, with productive pursuits.

Currently, I think that exercise will work well.  Given that I am not very fit, activity will suffice for exercise to some extent.  Running is not too cumbersome because even 30 minutes of running at a slow pace is significant.  This week, I intend to meet all 3 goals of my activity circles in my Apple Watch.  This is an attainable goal that will give me great satisfaction.

My days are so different and I will make the differences work for me, such that I will be a better Helen without the other Helen.

Only the namesake remains....

My life changed forever a few weeks ago when on the morning of July 17th my Mom and namesake peacefully took her last breath as I sat holding her hand.  It was the end of the "2 Helens" and their many adventures.  It was the beginning of my new life as an adult orphan at 52.  

I am the youngest of eight children, and it was simply by chance that I was the only one with her when she died.   We had begun our 24 hour vigil (as we had done when our Dad died almost 20 years ago) 48 hours earlier after a day of constant visits by so many family members.  My 6 hour shift began at 6 in the morning.  With little warning, that shift ended at 9:35 when my Mom went to heaven. 

The next few weeks passed with so much activity.  This is the middle of the first full week that things are back to normal, but it is not normal at all.  I don't have to do my Mom's laundry, plan my 2 weekly visits, or wonder what and how she's doing.

I have to figure out how to maneuver through this transitional time, and what I want from my new existence.  I have to figure out how to fill the hole left by my Mom's death.  

Processing is crucial, and will be done here and as I get back more seriously to my running.  

What adventures await this Helen sans the other Helen?