A day devoted to my bookends

Today began and ended with my bookends.  It was wonderful, rewarding, and exhausting.  Fortunately, I stole a few moments for me.  It would have been better with a run, but that wasn't to be stolen.  My few dog walks were all....

The day began with a few minutes of quiet time to read in bed.  Then it was one bookend's soccer practice, during which I doodled....  At home, I did some work and organizing.  We enjoyed a quick lunch at the table, and then it was off to the other bookend.

I had a working interview with a woman who might be able to help with my Mom.  I think it went well, but I am on overload.  I will need more time to process it, but who has time when my Son needs more attention.

My lower bookend was so helpful, I made time to stop at The Paper Store, where he was able to join the free bracelet making activity and then purchase his coveted Rainbow Loom.  It kept him occupied during the remainder of time with the upper bookend.  As a treat for me, I popped into the Whole Foods next door and got a Pumpkin Late.  It was good, but not as good as the PSL at Starbucks.

A few minutes were spent collecting items that will comprise a wedding present that my upper bookend will present at a family wedding.  I ordered a frame that I hope will work for the wedding picture of the groom's great grandmother.  Then, with the help of my iMac, I dictated letters dated November 1, 1939 that the bride in the picture wrote to her mother and sister.  The date is not quite, but close to, the wedding to which I soon will accompany my Mom.

I am grateful that I was able to devote today to my bookends, but....  Only a bit of work was done, not nearly enough, and action items are left unaddressed.  Tomorrow's another day.  Alas, it's more of the same because it's sandwich Sunday.  If only I can take or make time for me, even a bit, then it will be okay....  It's all important.  The important items get reordered, moving up and down on the time continuum.  I will remember that and find peace in it.  Today is almost done.  I will take pleasure in it with a cup of green tea, which certainly will serve me better than the preferred Saturday night beer.

I will make this a happy ending....  Each day can and should be a happy one...

 

What works?

In the end, I have to do what works for me. Way too much information exists about success, happiness, and being healthy. Bits and pieces might be helpful, but the precise mechanics must work within my ability, schedule, and comfort level.

Deciding on what works requires prioritizing -- what I need to do, what I want to do, and what I should do. For me, prioritizing also includes the opposite -- what I do NOT need to do, what I do NOT want to do, and what I should NOT do. Three things on each list are sufficient; spending too much time making the lists, rather than working them, is not productive. The lists can and should change / be modified on a regular basis. They are meant to provide a frame of reference and reminders as my remaking proceeds.

Effective action items are those that advance my needs and wants. Running is a perfect action item for obvious reasons. Another action item is cooking dinner. The benefits to my family, health, and wallet are significant. It’s also fun. Finally, I can satisfy my desires to be creative (deciding what to prepare and how to present it) and to learn (finding and following recipes).

Thoughts about me at the start and at the finish also will help. Keeping in mind that I can’t control / change the world and others is critical. Similarly critical is acknowledging that: I do control my thoughts, actions, and words; and I can change my attitude.

What I need to do:

1. Work at my job
2. Care for my son
3. Take care of myself

What I want to do:

1. Be fit
2. Enjoy my family
3. Make a difference

What I should do:

1. Reach out to others
2. Appreciate what I have
3. Give myself credit

What I do NOT need to do:

1. Be the perfect Mom
2. Weigh 115 pounds again
3. Have an exquisitely decorated 3000 square foot house

What I do NOT want to do:

1. Yell too much
2. Waste time
3. Worry about what is expected

What I should NOT do:

1. Obsess over money
2. Have too many projects going at once
3. Smoke

Thoughts of the Start and Finish:

Start -- I am an educated working woman in her mid-forties. I am a mom and wife. I am the eighth child in a traditionally Irish Catholic family from Boston. I am an attorney. I have a job. I am over 7 years into my second marriage. I own my home with a mortgage that is not more than my house is worth. I have some retirement savings. I am healthy, and weigh about 138 pounds. I guess I am part of the average middle class. I have issues. I can be a loud-mouthed control freak who wants everyone’s approval. I am a dreamer and a perfectionist. I want it all, but have yet to define the word all in the context of me.

Finish -- I know that I can finish particular tasks, including a race when I cross the finish line. Finishing does not, however, translate to my life – I never will be finished making me. That’s an exciting, and sometimes daunting thought. Characterizing this time as a remaking feels reasonably realistic. For now, I guess I will artificially and crudely define the finish as when I weigh about 123 pounds. Though extremely superficial, I know that I can reach this finish only by taking so many positive steps that will not be superficial.

Sometimes I feel guilty about wanting more because I already have so much. However, it’s really not wanting more, but instead doing more with what I have and striving to be the best that I can be.