Training triumph and torture

In one hour today, the triumph and torture of training were realized.

I fit me in by going to the gym for my scheduled session of hills training. I have been working this session since early February. I have done parts of the session, but I have not been able to complete it as my trainer instructed. I have been making progress, but.... Today, I wasn't certain of my ability to complete the session, particularly because my thighs have been aching. After putting one foot in front of the other for more than one hour and for a total of 6 miles, I successfully completed the session. The hills portion included staying at an even pace, but changing the incline every 2 minutes. The incline ranged from 1 to 7 with everything in between, and then again. During past attempts, I changed the pace, had not gotten to a 7 incline, or did not get to every incremental increase as instructed. Today, I did all of that and more!

The triumph of my successful session was huge! Home I went.

When I walked in the door at home, my son called from the other room, "why are you so late?" It was not late; it was 5:50 in the afternoon. I proceeded to the kitchen, and told my husband about the quick dinner I was going to prepare. With a tone and an attitude, he said, "I can't wait until 7:00 for dinner." I tried to explain myself, and he said, "you got to do what you wanted to do, so what's the problem." This also was said with a tone and an attitude. Classic attacks. These comments were torture. They tainted my triumph. Nonetheless, I prepared my dinner as planned. Part of the reason for the attitudes is that my family is trained to sit down to dinner by 6:00. My triumph did not meet their expections, and they took it out on me.

My son now is in bed, no worse from the trainng torture, as evidenced by the fact that recalling his day at bedtime did not even include my time at the gym, or the different dinner.

I am regrouping, getting ready for the many more things that I must manage to conquer tonight. For this monumental moment, however, I am digesting my acceptance that triumph and torture often come together. Without one, the other is not so intense.

Daily dose of mind murmurs

Staying power.

So much hinges on the power to stay.

StayQuit -- This has been critical since I decided that I would have my last cigarette ever on Jun 12, 2009.

StayStrong -- This is critical during a difficult run and always during a race.

StayTrue -- This one is new for me as a defined concept during my current remaking. As long as I stay true to myself, then I can cruise confidently through challenges that inevitably invade.

I think that I will work more on just staying....

Daily dose of mind murmurs

Today, I fit me in. This remaking is progressing perfectly. I ran at the gym on my way home from the office. My family was no worse off, and I was in such a better place because I had taken time for me. It's been a long day, but a productive one! It's not over yet, but that's okay.

I am getting stronger and faster! I feel great! I am taking time for me, and the result is more energy and less stress. I am getting more from doing more.

Daily dose of mind murmers

I had so much to do today, but I knew that I had to spend time with my Son. He started little league this past week and has wanted to practice. I bought a baseball glove this morning in anticipation of my inevitable involvement. I do still have the only glove that I ever owned. However, as I received it probably when I was in the second grade, it is quite small. I also decided that I deserved a new glove.

This afternoon, Connor asked me to play catch with him. I did. I had fun, and we both did a good job. While we were playing, he ran by me to fetch a wild ball. On his way back, without a word, he came over and gave me a huge hug. He then continued on his way. That was a monumental moment. As a Mom, for what more could I ask?

Quite regularly, I remind myself to focus on what I did, rather than on what’s left for me to do. I read recently (not recalling where) that what counts is progress, not perfection.

Remember to marvel at the moments.

Daily dose of mind murmurs

Lists work only if you look at them.

Organization systems are optimal only if you use/follow them.

Life is more fun when it is shared and you take risks.

Above all else, be true to yourself.

Weekly wanderings

This has been an emotional week -- the highs and lows have been too great. Thankfully, I have been able to reel myself in to avoid going too low. I am not sure what is going on, but I am glad to be able to recognize that an issue exists. I was so busy with work and my Son, but I was able to fit me. My running and raising money adventure is progressing perfectly. I have 51 supporters, and I have raised $2,241.00 for CCFA. I am running faster; this week's training included 2 file mile runs with a 10 minute mile pace. I need to focus on the positive, and forget the negative, which is not worth nurturing.

Monthly monitor - March

March was marvelous. I exercised 24 of the 31 days. I am so on target with my running and raising money adventure. I ran a fabulous 5K.

My training is going well. I am following my trainer’s schedule almost perfectly. A great joy was my fun and successful 5K. My time was 28:28.9, or a 9:11/mile pace. That was so much faster than I had imagined. I was hoping for a 9.5/mile pace. I was strong from start to finish.

My fundraising moved forward. It's interesting to see who ends up donating. I am glad that I reached out because I ended up getting donations from some whom I did not expect.

Dave, Connor, and I had a date -- we saw 101 Dalmatians the musical. At one point, Connor commented that they were singing a lot. He said that he "kinda" liked it. However, he was so attentive. I want to introduce my son to as much as possible. Going to the theater is something with which Connor should be familiar.

My remaking is all that I had hoped -- I am feeling so much better about myself, and I am less stressed. I am being productive, while doing much more than before. It's amazing how the same 24 hours can be used so differently. I am balancing my needs and wants, and moving forward with action items with an open mind.

March leaves me with thoughts of the following Joan Benoit Samuelson words, "Love yourself, for who and what you are; protect your dream and develop your talent to the fullest extent."

Reading has happily filled more and more hours. The list is long and diverse, including an old friend who has found his way back into my mind -- the poet Robert Frost. So many of his poems mean so much to me. Presently, I am thinking about Into My Own, and how nicely it fits into my remaking. That poem ends,

"They would not find me changed from him they knew --
Only more sure of all I thought was true."