Over time....

things change.  This year's tree has been quite a work in progress.  We bought it three days ago.  We put it in the stand yesterday.  Tonight, we added lights and four ornaments.  It will be done soon, but in the meantime....

When I was younger, the tree had to be perfect.  One year, I went to at least three places, and spent hours in pursuit of the ideal tree.  This year, it was one location, and five minutes - done.  Dave put the tree in the stand and it's not straight.  Rather than start over, I rotated the tree so it's leaning forward, rather than sideways.  It was always white or colored lights.  This year, Connor wanted both mixed together - done.  He also wanted to help add the lights, which I let him do.

Each of us hung one ornament.  The last ornament is in honor of Hunter, our puppy dog, who died 18 days ago.  He's now an angel watching over us as we bungle through the days.

Presently, it's time to unwind after another hectic week.  The one coming up is the last full one before Christmas.  There's lots to do.  Somehow it will get done.  The most important thing is that I STAY -- strong, rested, calm, grateful, and productive.  I can and will do it.  Oh yeah, I also have to figure out how to enjoy the moments, maintaining a balance between the forest and the tree.

Happy birthday to my Subaru Outback

One year ago today, I took delivery of my Subaru.  It has been a great year.  I have driven 18,387 miles, and have had driving advenures in all of the New England states.

My decision to purchase my car was a quick one, but I have never looked back.  The pleasures have been many and the regrets nonexistent.

  

The mundane matters

We have so much to do so much of the time.  My Son decided he wanted to make frosting from scratch.  That decision was made days ago, but we kept getting busy with life; life so often gets in the way.  Yesterday, we simply made time.  He found a recipe on line.  He figured out what ingredients we had, and which we needed.  He added the needed ones to the grocery list.

Finally, it was late in the evening, but....  He measured everything.  I began with the mixer.  He didn't like that I was on low speed when the recipe called for medium speed.  He wanted no part of my explanation, so he took over.  Too quickly, he increased the speed, and created a bit of a mess.  He didn't like that, and ran from the room (in avoidance).  When I called him back, he said that I had told him to remove himself from a situation when he needed to take control of his feelings.  Oops, he was right and I was wrong.

He returned, cleaned his mess, and completed his project.  He was so proud of his accomplishment.  Among the many things he said was, "I love the Internet."  It quickly provided the recipe he desired.  He proceeded to enjoy his creation!

He and I learned so much from this experience....  Times like this are what matters, rather than the fact that he got to bed a bit too late and didn't follow the bedtime procedures. 

The experience and the result were not perfect, but they were.  Ordinarily, I wait to the perfect of everything, and so much gets left undone. 

Perfect doesn't have to exist to make perfect memories.      

balance the trees and forest....

I've been thinking lots about the forest for the trees expression for so many reasons.

I recall that the bigger picture is the forest, and that you shouldn't get caught up in the details -- the trees.

The expression is, One should not lose sight of the forest for the trees.

In other words, if someone can't see the forest for the trees, they get so caught up in small details that that they fail to understand the bigger picture.

I often find myself having to - step back and take a breath.

Yet another way of expressing this is, paying too much attention to the details and not understanding the general situation.

I tend to be a trees person, rather than a forest one.  That approach, however, causes endless problems. 

I like the meaning of this expression, and also that it concerns trees, with which I am so intrigued.

For survival, and because I am way too busy, I need to remind myself repeatedly that the trees are important, but so is the forest.  Seeing the forest helps with overload avoidance. 

I could spend significant time on a particular detail, but then so much of the day is lost, as is the overall survival goal.

Once again, I circle back to balance.  It is critical.

Preparing for 50....

Planning, dreaming, and remaking are so much of what I do.  I try to do that while living each moment at the same time.  I want a balance between trees and forest - in every aspect of my being.

Presently, I think about what happens -- life, stuff, change, and drama.  I make mistakes, and I learn from them.

My 50th birthday is just over 3 months away.  It's an excuse to celebrate, and I will.  I am looking forward to this milestone.  It will be a decade filled with my five focus factors - fun, fitness, family, finance, and food.

Every decade is different.  My 20s were filled with education and early years of marriage.  My 30s were filled with change - the end of my starter marriage and the beginning of my lifetime marriage, as well as unlimited personal and professional developments.  My 40s have been filled with adapting to motherhood and a more uneventful existence.  The drama is different, less tumultuous overall.

My thoughts as to how I will celebrate are still in the development phase.  The newest "bee in my bonnet" is that my 50th birthday will begin an adventure that will last throughout my 50s.  When my 50s are complete, I would like to be able to say that I have seen all 50 states with my Son.  This goal has plenty of potential.  Already, my Son has calculated that he's been to 10 of he 50 states, or 20% of them, including all of the New England states.  He is a bit upset that he doesn't remember having vacationed in South Carolina.

This goal is consistent with our family's desire to learn and travel.  We love to discover new airports and hotels.  I often have difficulty deciding where to go.  That indecisiveness could be diminished if we randomly select a new state to visit.  The possibilities of pleasures are endless.

With luck, this adventure will form a foundation for my 50s.  I can make it happen....          

mind murmur

Even a few minutes can work wonders....  My thoughs are running wild -- if only I were. As a run is not to be had, perhaps at all today, I will take instead a few minutes of quiet time at Starbucks.  Soon, it will be off again to my list of action items.  

pondering ... job, career, work, employment

Presently, I am quite interested in these words and what they mean.  I am intrigued by their many contexts and connotations.

I always have worked, it's just a matter of where and doing what.  I have been employed most of my life.   

Since I was 14, I had a job, which I thought of as a place to go to work in exchange for pay.  Some jobs were better than others, but each served a positive purpose.  I worked hard because I was raised to have a good work ethic.  I often viewed my jobs as a means to an end, and part of a bigger picture in which I had a career. 

That career came because I was driven.  That career went because I didn't drive it very well.

For about 6 months, I didnt' have a job or a career, but I still worked.  That work perhaps was harder than anything I had done before.  I worked to take care of my Dad during what ended up being the last days of his life.  I also worked to figure out what I next would do with my life.  I worked to figure out whether I would continue with my career, put it on hold, or do something entirely different.

I then took a job with a company.  I've been there almost seventeen years; everything's the same, but different.  The job has changed, the company has changed, the location has changed, but it's still the same.  I hadn't thought of this as my career, but perhaps I should.

How does the word employment fit in?  I am employed.  I have a job that I can call a career. 

Okay, now I am getting overwhelmed....  Add the work work to the equation, and....

I am a Mom, and, therefore, I work.  I am a daughter, wife, and family member, and, therefore, I work.  I am a woman who wants to be financially secure, and, therefore, I work.  I am a person who wants to be fit and have fun, and, therefore, I work. 

The reality is that I am working most of the time, though the details of what I am working on vary tremendously.  That's okay, and that's my choice.